I hereby proclaim this Zombie Christmas! It’s amazing! Every person coming in the store or meet in other stores, banks, etc. have NO Christmas spirit this year! NONE…especially me.
I expected that knowing it was my first Christmas ever without Mom…and I’m not just talking about her being alive all my life…but present. Mom, Carl, Ava and I always had Christmas together even those rare times that Abe and I went out of town. We celebrated Christmas Day with Mom and then left knowing another family member would be with her while we were gone.
Now that all three of my closest loved ones are gone, the “spirit” of it all feels empty, shallow and hard for me to connect. The traditions which once were so very important…family, advent wreath, scripture readings, snuggling while watching old movies, making that special gift for special persons, sharing the love…gone with the passing of that wonderful woman.
I’m not being morose…just honest. I’m not more depressed than I have been for the last 4 years or so but this year is more empty without Mom. It’s normal to feel this level of grief during these holidays and I’m embracing this tsunami as I tell others to do. I’m not wallowing in it; I’m waxing my surfboard to find my life after…after Carl…after Ava…now, after Mom.
I’m trying to dream of buying a small RV and traveling again. I often push myself toward that end…sometimes harder than others…sometimes…not at all but that’s all a part of my normal.
That’s what I preach to those who will listen about our mission at Ava’s Corner…define YOUR normal and create ways to maintain it when life kicks you upside the head. That’s all I’m doing right now and it’s all I have energy to do.
To my friends who celebrate the reason for the season, I wish you all much love, joy, peace and happiness during this most sacred time to celebrate the birth of our faith (regardless of the subsequent “pagan” influence) and to take hope in the future of the New Year (regardless of the current & upcoming most “pagan” world issues).

MeAvaSanta1994

Advertisements